Father, Philosopher, Guide

There are some things that you know intuitively. Some actions you can visualize even without being present—down to the finest detail. Like the one I am about to describe:

‘After reading this post my dad will print a copy and stow it away in his slim black briefcase – his faithful companion to work, only to be retrieved later, maybe after dinner or while sipping his evening cup of tea with my mother huddled close to him listening to him read it out to her. He will read out each sentence carefully, sometimes with a suppressed smile, at others with a faint flush of pride – together they will savor every word written, relish every expression, agree to every thought. He will elucidate if the need arises so that my mom is on the same page -- as they have been through out their lives, not ahead, not behind, just together. Once the post is read he will stash it away, maybe in a folder already neatly labeled, with the rest of his treasures –old family photographs, wedding invitations, pictures of grandchildren…to be read again on some lazy Sunday afternoon.’

Not because this is a great piece of writing but because that’s what he is like. My Dad. Content with his children’s smallest accomplishments but oblivious to his greatest.

A satisfactory portrayal of my dad and his qualities is in many ways reminiscent of the tale of the elephant and the five blind men – all recounts true, but yet, not one complete. For us four, his progeny, he is and will always remain our ultimate guide, our guru, a guardian of our conscience, a custodian of our character. It is to him that we turn for answers when faced with difficult questions, it is his approval we seek when making tough decisions, it is his judgment we depend on when at crossroads. But yet his best gift to us has been the ability he built in each one of us to be independent of him, to walk on the path he showed us, but unaided. To his mother and siblings he is caretaker, the ‘rock of Gibraltar’. For his peers he is the ‘go-to’ man, the master strategist, problem-solver. To his nephews and nieces he is ‘Chief Adviser -- careers, finances, other predicaments’. For his grandchildren he is the bearer of gifts, the key to mysteries, the path to wisdom. To his neighbors and friends he is peace maker, counselor. For his wife he is the answer to all her prayers. All this he is and more.

While it would be an arduous task even for a daughter to list all the qualities that make him such a great person here are some that I find most striking:

While other parents were dispensing verbal advice to their offspring on matters of import he held on to his old-fashioned virtue of letting his behavior set the example. In all his dealings with people we have seen him display these sterling qualities. Seldom slanderous and never demeaning we have always seen him treat everyone with regard. Not easily enraged his most endearing quality could easily be his calm and patience. However big or serious our fault he always kept his cool (that trait none of us have learnt), rarely lost his temper and made us realize that it was okay to make a mistake, that he loved us despite everything. Comparison wasn’t something he believed in; neither was being judgmental; so each one of us was given our own space, our own canvas, to pursue what we wanted to, to become what we could. He invested time in teaching us mundane things usually taken for granted – ironing a shirt, polishing shoes, covering books, arranging money in the wallet, even wrapping gifts. His knowledge is rarely superficial – one is usually impressed both by the range and scale of his information. An eternal learner at heart he challenged our intellect by provoking us to argue, discuss, question, even defy at times conventional wisdom. Many of my childhood memories, fleeting but distinct, revolve around stimulating discussions around the dinner table about international affairs, ethics, value systems, religion, and politics. My Dad. He works hard, plays fair, lives by his values. And it is from his day to day conduct that we learnt life’s simple lessons such as these:

Respect all people; do not mock their intelligence, beliefs, thoughts and actions.
It’s not okay to ever steal or take anything that does not belong to you – borrowing without permission is equally unacceptable.
Honesty, however much the world may change, will always remain the best policy.
Work hard and true; do not take credit for someone else’s labor. Be fair in all your dealings.
There is no alternative to knowledge and there are no shortcuts to learning.
Help those in need whenever possible.
Stand by your family. Always.
Do not bother to be ‘the’ best but ensure that you do ‘your’ best.
Never stop learning. Never stop believing.

Because that’s what he is like. My Dad.